


The Five Times Caleb Helps Adam Through a Breakdown and the One Time Adam Helps Caleb

by Its_Just_Me7



Category: The Bright Sessions (Podcast), The College Tapes (Podcast)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28995681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Its_Just_Me7/pseuds/Its_Just_Me7
Summary: Adam seems to have a multitude of mental breakdowns throughout the years he and Caleb have been together. Somehow, Caleb always knows how to help his boyfriend through them.And when Caleb has his own, thankfully Adam can help him as well.
Relationships: Adam Hayes/Caleb Michaels
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	1. Hazy Hayes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam goes to school sleep deprived and completely out of it. He knows Caleb could help but he also knows how his emotions are with Caleb. Caleb shows up anyway.

He is fine. Nothing is wrong. Just walk to the first period and try to avoid Caleb, it shouldn't be that hard of a mission, right?

And yet, it's like Adam can feel Caleb coming from behind him, at the other end of the hall. He needs to avoid Caleb. He knows how hard his emotions can be for his boyfriend. Being this sleep deprived is not good for him, and he can’t bear to think of how this would affect Caleb with his ability.

And that’s when the tears start. He doesn’t want to avoid his Caleb but Adam doesn’t want to hurt him either. Trying not to make an ugly sobbing hiccup noise in front of his peers, Adam slams his locker door closed and rushes into the bathroom. His pace is too quick for everything to be fine, but not yet a jog. He hopes Caleb can’t feel him. Neither of the boys knows how far Caleb’s power reaches and Adam can only hope it’s not quite far enough to grasp a hold of his own emotions.

Once in the bathroom, Adam lets out a pant and feels more tears drip down his face. He just wants to go home. Curl into a ball. Cry. Sleep. Ignore everyone and everything in the world. Not think about the future or the past or the present. Adam doesn’t want to not exist, but he doesn’t want to think about existing.

Adam wants to change his thoughts, control them, know what’s coming but exhaustion is deep inside every cell. Instead, he finds a fairly clean wall and bangs his head against it. Once, twice, rest. His forehead feels good against the cool wall. And yet, the amount of germs crawling onto his head seeps into his thoughts and he quickly pulls his body away from the wall.

More tears fall down Adam’s face. He just wants a hug. He wants to feel his boyfriend’s arms wrap around him. Why did Adam want to avoid him earlier? He can’t remember. He wants Caleb’s warmth and his chin to rest against the top of his head like it always does when they’re locked in an embrace. 

Adam turns to place his back against the wall and buries his face in his hands, letting out an ugly sob. Why in the world was he sobbing? 

The bathroom door opens, seemingly in a hurry. Adam tries to flatten himself into the wall, hands still covering his face. He doesn’t want anyone to see him like this. Hell, he doesn’t even want to see himself like this. It doesn’t make sense.

“Woah,” the person huffs out. The voice sounds familiar to Adam, but he doesn’t care enough to figure it out. Too tired to do so.

Everything is too much. Too dark. Why is it so dark? Oh, his hands are over his face. Why are they over his face? Too hard to answer.

“Adam?” The voice is soft and along with the voice, hands grasp Adam’s wrists. Slowly, light burns into his eyes as they adjust to the terrible lighting.

Caleb. He’s here. In front of Adam. How did he get here? Wasn’t he supposed to be avoiding Caleb? But why?

“Dude, you’re,” Caleb takes a breath.

Right, that’s why he was avoiding his boyfriend.

“You’re so tired. And… Your emotions are all over the place. You’re,” Caleb gets a better look at Adam. “You’re crying.”

Adam sniffs and lets out a smile. “Hi!” Adam lunges into Caleb’s arms

Caleb is quick to grasp hold of Adam, though he stumbles slightly. As expected, Caleb rests his chin on Adam’s curls, just holding onto the body.

“You’re… feelings. Adam,” Caleb pulls away slightly so he can look at the shorter boy in the eyes. “They’re all over the place. You were, like, feeling so fucking sad a minute ago and now you’re… Content?”

“Tired,” Adam sighs out and tries to bury his face back into the warmth he was surrounded by. “Two hours of sleep,” is mumbled out when his cheek hits the fabric.

“Jesus, you--” There’s silence. “You shouldn’t be here. You need sleep,” he states it like it’s a fact. Like the two of them can just leave school. Miss classes that are important.

Remembering his classes makes Adam burst into tears again. “Classes,” is all he trembles out.

“Classes can wait. Your health comes first. Let’s get out of here.”

More tears slip down Adam’s cheeks as Caleb pulls away to walk out of the bathroom. Caleb seems to know this, despite not looking at Adam and grasps onto Adam’s hand to drag the two of them out together. It helps. How does Caleb know?

“You’re… confused,” comes the next statement, hushed as the two boys walk through the crowded halls. 

“It’s like you know what’s happening in my brain,” Adam pouts as his legs work twice as fast as Caleb’s.

“I’m,” Caleb’s brows furrow. “You’re so tired, let’s get out of here.” He walks faster, pulling Adam along, forcing him to have to jog to keep up.

Adam shakes his head, trying to clear the fog of exhaustion in it. “We can’t leave. There are classes we need to get to.” He tries to pull away from Caleb, but his grip never loosens.

“I’ll email our teachers when we get home. It’s one day. Besides, I don’t think you’d last 30 minutes in Mrs. Trench’s class without passing out.”

The two are outside and Caleb pushes Adam in front of him as if he can steer Adam to wherever they were going. Where are they going again? Adam wasn’t paying attention. Just walking now. Focus on not tripping. That’d be embarrassing. Especially since Caleb is here. The embarrassment of even just imagining it shows up with a bright blush crawling up Adam’s neck to his cheeks.

“What’re you thinking about?” Caleb’s voice, loud and booming, makes Adam jump from his dazed state.

Adam just shrugs and stumbles a bit. 

“Okay, you dork. Let’s just focus on getting you home. Do you want to listen to music?”

“Meathead,” the mumble comes out easy. “Music sounds nice.” Every bone in Adam’s body feels like it’s made out of lead. It’s hard to pick up his feet and walk. He feels like he’s a baby, taking his first steps.

Caleb plays the playlist Adam made for him seemingly agest ago, which makes a giggle sprout from Adam's chest. His laughter seems to relax Caleb slightly, as the heavy hands against Adam's shoulders, driving him around, loosen and feel lighter.

***

Somehow, Adam is sitting on the Michaels’ couch, staring at a turned-off TV. How did he get here again? Why is he here? Shouldn’t he be at school? Unless it’s the weekend. Then it would make sense as to why he is here. But he could have sworn yesterday was Tuesday. Oh well, Adam is here now and there’s nothing he can do about it now.

A blanket is draped across Adam, who lets out a startled yelp. The melodic tune of Caleb’s laugh fills his ears and he realizes it was him who put the blanket on him. 

The warmth makes Adam’s eyes want to close, but that would be rude, wouldn’t it? Falling asleep at Caleb’s when maybe he wants to do something.

“We could watch a movie if you want to drift off with something in the background,” Caleb suggests, getting comfortable next to Adam.

Adam hums, something he hopes sounds like he’s agreeing, before sliding down so his head is resting on Caleb’s lap. Almost immediately, Caleb runs his hands through Adam’s curls, messing with his hair in a calming way.

Halfway paying attention, Adam sees Caleb open Amazon Prime on the television and chooses _42nd Street._

Finally, Adam feels it’s okay to drift off. After all, Caleb practically told him it was alright. Finally, the heaviness is gone. Finally, it feels like he’s flying. Yet, all Adam is doing, is drifting off to sleep. With his boyfriend petting his head and the soft sounds of the movie in the background, Adam lets himself not think about existing. He just lets himself be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this first chapter! These boys are my favorite to write, but I didn't really have any ideas on how Adam would be sleep deprived. So, I went with how I am: confused, clumsy, and an emotional wreck. I think it fits pretty well, but I'm sorry if it does seem a bit OOC for him.


	2. Yearning for Yale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam is having a rough time writing his college essay. Finally, he cracks and calls Caleb to help him. Of course, his boyfriend comes

It’s late and Adam is aware of that. Yet, something compels him to call Caleb. So he does. The phone rings too many times. Adam is just about to give up when a groggy “Adam?” echoes through the speaker.

“Caleb,” Adam sighs in relief, not quite knowing how to act, what to say. 

“Why are you awake? It’s,” there’s a pause, Caleb seemingly checking the time on his phone. Adam thinks he needs to get him a watch. “Almost five AM!”

Caleb sounds shocked and maybe the smallest bit pissed that Adam woke him up on a, now Saturday, in the early morning.

Adam groans, realizing he’s been up all night writing and rewriting and rerewriting his college essay. He needs it to be perfect to get into Yale. And Adam _needs_ to get into Yale. “College,” is his answer, after his groan trails off. 

“Adam, that doesn’t make any sense, we’re not in college yet,” Caleb huffs out, getting more upset the longer this goes.

Right. Never come between Caleb and his sleep. He’s angry when he’s woken up in the middle of a sleep cycle. Adam should have remembered it, but all that is on his mind is _Yale, gotta get into college, essay needs to be perfect._

“Can you come over?” Adam says, instead of paying attention to Caleb’s angry tone.

“Why the hell do you want me to come over at five in the morning?” Caleb stresses. He’s sounding a bit more awake, malice still heavy in his tone, but there’s something else there too.

“I need your help,” Adam replies simply. He wants Caleb to tell him his essay is fine. Get annoyed that Adam has yet to submit it. He wants the comfort of Caleb.

There’s silence on the other end of the phone. Adam lets it be, waiting for anything to come from it. Then, he hears a door slam and the starting of an engine. 

“Caleb?” Adam’s afraid he made Caleb too upset. Maybe he’s coming over just to break up with Adam, because he’s too nice to do it over the phone. 

“I’ll be over in a couple minutes,” Caleb states. “Will you be okay in the meantime?” He sounds worried. Fearful. For himself? No, that’s not right. For Adam maybe? But why would he be afraid for Adam?

Oh. _Oh._ “Shit, no, Caleb, I’m fine I just… I need your help with a college application. I’m not going to… _do_ anything,” Adam stresses.

A sigh of relief comes from the other end of the phone. “God don’t scare me like that,” his voice is soft and thankful.

“Are you still coming over?” Adam asks. Now that Caleb knows the real reason, he may hang up, turn around and snuggle under his blankets again.

“Of course I am. I’m already out of bed and in the car anyway.” Caleb sounds tired. It makes sense. He hasn’t been sleeping much since… Adam suddenly feels bad for waking Caleb up. 

“Sorry. You don’t have to come over. I’m being stupid,” Adam sighs, long and low. Exhaustion coming out with every word.

“It’s _okay_ , Dork. I’m coming over. No changing my mind now.”

“Meathead,” adoration rang through the phone.

For the rest of the drive, the two boys are on the phone, neither talking, both just listening to the sound of the others’ breathing over speakerphone.

Adam feels calm douse his body as Caleb’s car engine shuts off. “How do you want me to come in?” 

“I’ll unlock the door. Just be quiet. I don’t know if my parents will mind or not. Rather be safe than sorry I guess.”

Adam goes through the motions of walking down the stairs to unlock the door, but when the two teens lock eyes, Adam doesn’t know what to do. He feels like maybe he shouldn’t have brought Caleb here. Maybe he shouldn't have dragged him down into the slough of emotions that Adam is made of.

“Breathe, Adam,” Caleb’s voice is gentle as he wraps Adam into a hug. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but everything is okay. Now, let’s go to your room and you can explain to me why I’m here at, again, _five in the morning_.”

“Sorry,” it comes out as a tired mumble, but Adam knows Caleb hears it.

Instead of an answer, Caleb pulls Adam up the stairs, creaking the door to Adam’s bedroom open. 

“What am I feeling?” Adam asks as he sits on his bed, next to his still open computer. The screen has gone black.

“Exhaustion, mainly. Stress, anxiety, and a hint of joy I think,” Caleb states, not taking his eyes off Adam’s form.

“Oh.” It’s all that comes out. All that Adam can force out. 

“So,” Caleb is the one leading this conversation. Adam realizes he’s not entirely being a great host right now. Or even a good one. “What about that college app that you need help with?”

Adam feels as if he should tell the truth. After all, he did drag Caleb here at _5 AM_ just because Adam wants to be told that he should submit his Yale application. 

A deep breath in is heard before the explanation begins. “I’m just stressed about this Yale application. I’ve been writing the essay nonstop all night and I need it to be perfect if I want to get into Yale. It needs to be more than perfect if I want to go into the English department at Yale.” Adam pauses. Caleb knows he has more he wants to say, so he let’s the two bask in the quiet. “Could you just look over my essay?” he finally asks.

A small smile creeps up on Caleb’s face as he nods once, taking the laptop from the bed. “Just remember that you’re the better writer out of the two of us,” he teases. 

Then, it’s quiet again. Adam waits for Caleb to finish reading, terrified of the stupid mistakes. But, now that he’s not staring at a screen, it feels as though Adam’s eyelashes have weights attached to them. He should go to sleep. He can’t stop himself from drifting into unconsciousness. He knows he should stay awake, for Caleb, to see what he thinks of the essay, but Adam can’t control it. He feels safe. His boyfriend is next to him, he’s lying in a soft bed, the essay is out of his hands. He can’t help himself. So, he allows himself to fall fully asleep. It’s not like he could stop it though.

***

When Adam wakes up, it is to a warm body around him. Deep breathing comes from the other body telling Adam that it is most definitely dozing. He snuggles closer to who he figures to be Caleb, basking in the way his arms wrap around his midsection. 

Time seems irrelevant, as all Adam wants to do is stay where he is. For all eternity. Just him and Caleb. It’s nice. 

He sees his laptop on his bedside table. It has a bright green sticky note on the screen, and since the computer is still open, Adam can easily make out Adam’s messy scrawl.  _ It’s perfect. Submit it when you wake up, or I will! _

Adam lets out a half huff half giggle, but doesn’t move to reach his laptop. He’ll do it when Caleb wakes up. Show him that it has been submitted.

An unknown set of minutes pass until a knock comes to the door. Adam groans, not wanting to disturb Caleb and also not wanting to move. Caleb isn’t even supposed to be here. To save himself from a lecture, Adam decides it would be better to answer whoever is on the other side of the door. Probably his father. Maybe his mother. 

The door squeaks as it opens, and Adam flinches, hoping he didn’t wake his boyfriend who most definitely needs the sleep. 

“Adam, good to see you finally awake,” Elijah says with a small smirk.

“Oh uh,” Adam fumbles a bit with the door, making sure it’s still hiding Caleb. “Yeah, good morning Dad,” he finally spits out.

“I know Caleb’s here, Adam. You don’t have to be so secretive. I just wanted to let you boys know I have lunch made. Also your mother was called into work, so it’s just us boys now,” Elijah winks, which makes Adam groan. 

“Okay but you’re not…” Adam doesn’t know how to continue.

“Clothes are still on, you two were above the covers when your mother came to let you know she was leaving, is there something I _should_ be upset about?” Elijah responds, looking at his son wearily.

Adam flushes bright red. “ _No,_ Dad. I just called Caleb over here early in the morning to look over my college essay. Turns out the two of us were too exhausted I guess.”

“Well, we will be talking more about this with your mother but for now, I’ll let you and Caleb enjoy your time together. Wake him up and come get your grub,” Elijah laughs at his own statement.

“Yeah, yeah, alright.”

When Adam turns back toward the bed, he sees Caleb, sitting upright trying to hold in giggles. In response, Adam walks to the bed, grabs a pillow, and throws it at Caleb. “Shut up!” he grumbles.

“Hey,” Caleb stops giggling and holds the pillow close to him. Adam looks at Caleb, a mixture of emotions flashing through him. “I love you,” Caleb finally breathes out.

Adam breaks into a grin. “I love you too.” He jumps onto the bed to hug Caleb, once again enjoying the warmth that comes with his meathead of a boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two boys are my favorite! I hope you're all enjoying this little thing so far, sorry it took so long for this chapter to come out, I'll try my best to get the next one out sooner.


	3. 2:27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam starts antidepressant medication for the first time which causes his depression to spike. Somehow, he ends up here, with Caleb, in the middle of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for this one--- Talk of self harm. Please be safe!!!

Adam gets off the bus. Over the bus ride, his breathing has calmed down, so he’s no longer hyperventilating, but his eyes are bloodshot and his whole body is shaking. It’s obvious that Adam isn’t quite okay.

It’s not cold outside, but it’s not warm either. Early autumn in the middle of the night in Boston. He knows he should be feeling something in the outside world, but he just feels numb. He doesn’t want to feel numb. He wants to feel metal scraping his skin. He wants to feel pain. He wants to  _ feel _ . 

Adam just needs to get to BU. Get into a specific building and to a specific dorm to see a specific person. 

So, Adam walks. And walks. And walks. He knows his route. He doesn’t have to think about it. He’s been here too many times anyway. What’s one more at 2:27 in the morning?

Adam doesn’t want to disturb Caleb, he doesn’t want to force his deep sludge into his boyfriend, but he knows he needs to. He knows that Caleb will be more upset to see scars than he will to see Adam.

Or, that’s what Adam tells himself outside of Caleb’s dorm. Staring at the door. Willing his fist to knock. Until the door swings open anyway. Face to face with Caleb. 

Caleb doesn’t talk. Adam doesn’t talk. Instead, Caleb’s hand wraps into Adam’s and he pulls the two of them outside the dorm building. Less feelings, Adam thinks. More focus on Adam. Adam’s feelings. He shouldn’t be forcing this on Caleb.

Finally, Caleb decides to say something. “Fuck, Adam.”

Adam doesn’t know what to say. Instead he just nods. He knows how Caleb is feeling. Adam is feeling it. And he’s forcing Caleb to feel it too. Guilt floods Adam’s senses. At least it’s better than feeling numb. 

“Are…” Caleb takes a deep breath. He’s thinking of something to say. Something  _ right _ to say. Adam knows it. “What’s going on? You weren’t…” He trails off, thinking. Another deep breath before he starts again. “What changed since last weekend when I visited you?” 

It’s Adam’s time to take a breath. “I started meds a while ago,” his voice cracks. “I don’t think they’re making me better,” he trails off.

“Yeah no shit, Adam!” Caleb’s voice is loud and booming. He’s not quite yelling but it’s almost there. 

Adam tries not to take it personally. He knows this is how Caleb responds to emotions he doesn’t know how to deal with. Or, how he responds when he doesn’t want to be consumed by a specific emotions. The thing is, Adam has never seen this side of Caleb directed at  _ him  _ before. Adam isn’t scared, he  _ isn’t,  _ but he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like knowing that  _ he  _ brought this upon Caleb. Another round of guilt courses through him.

“I didn’t,” Adam cuts himself off. 

“You didn’t, what?” Caleb’s voice is softer now, prompting Adam to say what he was going to.

“I didn’t want for you to find any new scars. So instead, I came here. ‘Cause last year… After Damien… You said that,” again, Adam trails off.

Caleb takes two steps over to his boyfriend and pulls him into a tight hug. The feeling of safety swarms through Adam. 

“And, did you do anything?” Caleb’s voice is just barely a whisper now. 

Adam shakes his head.  _ No, but I want to so badly _ . His eyes close and he breathes in the scent of Caleb. He lets it relax him and finally,  _ finally _ Adam feels tears flow down his cheeks.

Caleb holds on tighter. Not even thinking of letting Adam go anytime soon. If the two of them could stay forever like this, neither would mind. But life doesn’t work like that, both teens know this.

Adam pulls back, sniffs, and swipes his face clean of tears and snot using his sleeve.

“Don’t… don’t do that. You’ll ruin your hoodie,” Caleb sighs and pulls both Adam’s hands to his own. 

“It’s my hoodie,” Adam says lightly, or tries to. His voice still cracks and is heavy with the shed and unshed tears. He knows he’s still crying, but he tries to lighten the mood anyway. He doesn’t want Caleb to feel like this. It’s not fair to him. “It’s not like you’re the one living in it.”

“I’m not, but I’m the one who has to snuggle into it,” Caleb retorts back, voice light, but arms not moving from around Adam.

“I’ll just steal one of yours,” Adam whispers. He lets the breeze carry his voice to Caleb as he buries his head into Caleb’s chest. “They smell like you.”

Caleb lets a forced laugh release and starts to bring him back to the dorms. When to his room, Adam looks to Caleb, who fumbling with his keys.

“How’d you know I was here?” he asks.

“Your emotions woke me up,” Caleb states simply. “At first, I thought it was just someone else’s really heavy emotions. Maybe they were struggling with school or something. But then the familiar feeling of  _ you _ washed over me and I knew something was wrong. So, I jumped out of bed to find you. To be your hero.” Red starts to climb up Caleb’s face as he realizes what he said. “I just,” he sputters for a moment. “I love you and hate when you’re feeling like you are.”

“I hate that I force you to feel how I feel,” Adam mumbles, suddenly very interested in his shoes. His laces are muddy, once a light grey, now speckled with brown from dirt and overall usage. 

Caleb grabs Adam’s hand, his left, and presses his lips to the knuckles. A simple gesture, but it makes a little smile come to Adam. A genuine smile. Seeing that, makes Caleb’s eyes crinkle up with his own smile.

“I love you,” Caleb repeats. “Feeling like this is worth it if I’m feeling like this  _ with you _ . I’m glad you came tonight.”

“I love you too. And I’m also glad I came tonight. I don’t want to think about what happened if I didn’t.” A shudder takes over Adam’s body, almost forcing him to rip his hand out of Caleb’s. But Caleb’s grip is strong, constant. He keeps a hold on Adam’s pale fingers, chipped black nail polish. 

“Let’s not think about that. How about we cuddle up and watch a movie on my tiny twin sized bed?” he asks. Except it’s less of a question, more of a demand.

“Can we watch  _ Singing in the Rain _ ?” Adam asks, as Caleb unlocks his door with one hand. 

Caleb smiles and shakes his head a bit. After Rose’s dream-walking during movie night, Caleb has come to terms that  _ Singing in the Rain  _ has turned into Adam’s comfort movie. It reminded both of them of that night, how for weeks after, Adam would tease Caleb of how he dreams in songs. It was a good memory. _Is_ a good memory. And Caleb would be lying if he said that he didn’t watch the movie when he’s missing Adam particularly much.

“Let’s watch  _ Singing in the Rain _ ,” Caleb sighs with fake disappointment. 

“What about your roommate?” Adam asks, suddenly quiet as he sneaks into the room and looks to the bed Caleb's roommate was supposed to be in. He’s not there, though. He’s gone. 

“He left before I went to sleep. Probably drinking or with some girl. I don’t really care. He’s out of the picture for tonight, so let’s just enjoy the movie.” Caleb smiles.

Adam smiles.

The two get comfortable beneath Caleb’s comforter and Caleb starts the movie on his laptop. Adam leans his head on Caleb’s shoulder and stares at the screen. He doesn’t know when the voices started sounding like gibberish or when his vision started to get blurry. He doesn’t remember falling asleep, finally. He does, though, remember the feeling of utter peace washing over him, with Caleb’s arms tight around him, the gentle pitter-patter of his heartbeat. He remembers and he relaxes into a nice, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter titles are difficult to come up with. I genuinely was trying to think of a name for over forty minutes and yet still came up with whatever this title is. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!


	4. What's the Time?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The watch Caleb gave Adam is missing. Everywhere he looks, he starts to get more and more worried and upset as he can't find it. Thankfully, his boyfriend is to the rescue, even from over 130 miles away.

It had been a month since the whole med-disaster. Caleb checks in on Adam constantly over the phone. Adam’s doing better, he _is_ but the meds still aren’t quite right. They make his anxiety spike and he can go into a panic attack over the smallest things. 

Which is why he’s here now, hyperventilating, tears streaming down his face as he destroys his dorm. His roommate will be pissed when he comes back from his classes but Adam can’t find it. And he _needs_ to find it. He doesn’t know how he lost it. He never takes it off. Then, the sudden realization that it must have fallen off hits him. It could be anywhere on campus. Adam’s breathing just gets quicker and his hands reach up to grip his hair. He wants his watch back to play with. He wants the weight of it back, to feel and imagine it to be Caleb’s hand. He wants Caleb. 

A glance to his nightstand shows his phone. Face up. It would be so easy to call him. But Adam doesn’t know his class schedule by heart yet and everything is too blurry for him to read the paper with Caleb’s schedule on it. He wants to pound his head into the wall. How could he be so stupid that he lost the watch? It is the one thing that he keeps for protection. The one thing that keeps Caleb with him no matter where Adam is and no matter where Caleb is. He needs his watch back. He _needs_ it. 

It’s not fair. How could he not notice that the watch had fallen off until now? He needs it back. It’s not fair!

Adam is still staring at the phone, not realizing it as he chokes on his sobs. He doesn’t realize that it lights up with the goofy picture of him and Caleb out in the snow from when it snowed too much. He doesn’t realize that it is Caleb’s contact picture. That Caleb is calling him. 

The phone stops buzzing and the screen turns black again. Adam doesn’t notice.  
  


It starts up again, buzzing with the picture of Caleb and Adam, snow all over them but with the largest grins on their faces. 

It’s on the third call that Adam snaps out of his sob-induced dissociation. When he realizes who's calling, Adam goes into another fit, feeling guilt and disappointment in every cell his body is made of. 

The forth call and Adam finally picks up the phone. He doesn’t want to, but he knows Caleb is probably worrying enough as it is. After all, Adam didn’t pick up the three consecutive phone calls before this. _Deep breath, try to sound normal. Nothing is wrong. The watch is here. Caleb is here. He doesn’t need to know_.

“Hi,” Adam croaks out, cringing at the sound of his own voice. He sounds horrible. He wishes he didn’t greet his boyfriend on the other end of the phone. Caleb is sure to know something is up now.

“What’s wrong?” Caleb demands, voice strong yet soft at the same time. It will always impress Adam how he manages to do that.

Adam takes a minute to think. “Nothing’s wrong, Caleb,” Adam finally states. He puts the phone on speaker, then mutes himself so he can hiccup and let another sob break out from his throat.

“You didn’t answer the last three phone calls. You sound like hell. Adam,” Caleb presses. “What is wrong?”

Adam is more prepared now. He unmutes the phone and clears his throat. He needs to make this believable. “I was asleep when you called and couldn’t figure out where my phone was.” That makes sense, right? It does to Adam’s brain, still in the aftermath of a panic attack. Hearing Caleb’s voice is helping though, It always does.

“And… Why do you sound like a dying frog?” Caleb doesn’t believe Adam. It makes sense. Adam wouldn’t believe Adam, either.

“I think I’m getting sick.” His response is a jumble of words, the first thing he thinks. It must have been said too fast, though. Makes it more unbelievable.

Caleb hums. “How about we facetime?”

Adam wants to say no. He wants to tell Caleb he’s fine, make him believe it. But he can’t. He can’t say no to Caleb, not when Adam wants to see his face more than anything. He _needs_ to see his face. “Fine. Can you give me five? I have to clean up.” 

“I’ve seen you just after you wake up, Hayes. And you’re still just as handsome as when you try to tame those curls.” Caleb knows _,_ oh God, he _knows._

Adam knows he won’t get off the hook. Caleb will see the mess that is Adam and try to figure out what’s going on and then Adam will have to admit that he lost the one thing Caleb gave to him before the two of them went off to college and then Caleb will be upset because the watch was something important for both the boys and---

“Adam?” Caleb’s voice cuts through the spiral of thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. I’ll turn on my camera. I just need to…” Adam stutters, looking at his room for a place to put his phone. Maybe it could hide the mess of the dorm.

There was no place the camera could be pointed that didn’t show the room looking like a tornado went through it. 

“Okay,” Adam admits defeat and sits at his desk, putting the phone up and turning on his camera. He hopes the shitty lighting will hide his blotched face from Caleb, but he knows it won’t. 

Adam stares at his phone, the facetime screen loading as he waits for Caleb to turn the phone to video chat instead of a call. 

Caleb’s face appears, pinched with worry, growing bigger as he gets a good look at Adam and the mess behind him. “Oh my God, Adam.” it’s a gasp of concern.

“Oh my God, Caleb,” Adam tries to joke, but it comes out flat. It’s lacking any real emotion behind it, coming out flat. Lifeless. Broken.

“What happened? Do you need me to come over there?” Caleb asks quickly.

Before thoughts even begin to flow through Adam’s brain, he quickly let’s a “No it’s fine, everything’s fine,” escape from his lips. He doesn’t realize, but he’s talking with his hands, waving them in front of his face in an attempt to convince Caleb.

The boy in question is no longer staring at Adam, instead, his eyes are tracing the path of Adam’s left wrist. It’s bare. The watch is no longer there. A pain shoots through Caleb, shows in his eyes. Adam realizes his mistake.

Caleb talks before Adam, though. His mind has finally caught up with his emotions as he thinks he knows what is going on with his boyfriend. “Did you lose it?” he asks lightly. 

Another round of tears well up in Adam’s eyes but he refuses to let them fall. It’s just a watch. Who cares about it, anyway? It’s not like it’s _that_ special or important to Adam. Adam nods his head miserably. He wishes he didn’t have to admit it. The watch has only been with him for a year, far less than his old one from high school, and yet, he’s already managed to lose it.

“Okay,” Caleb breathes. “We can work through this. Let’s retrace your steps.” Caleb rummages around on his own desk, tongue slightly poking out of his mouth as he looks for something. Even through the shitty connection Adam has, he thinks Caleb looks adorable when he does this. 

Caleb does a proud little “Aha!” as he finds what he’s looking for, which causes a smile to creep up on Adam. Adam’s supposed to be the dork of the relationship, but, really, they both are.

“Okay so you had statistics, English, and chemistry classes yesterday, right?” Caleb asks. Adam then notices that in his hand is Adam’s class schedule. It makes him feel better that he’s not the only one who has yet to memorize the other’s schedule. 

Adam nods slowly, wondering where this could lead to. 

“Have you already checked those classes for it?” Caleb looks at Adam through the screen. Adam doesn’t know what the look means. It’s almost stern, but love is radiating out of it. 

“I know I had it on for stats and English. I got bored and was constantly checking the time,” Adam fiddles with his fingers. He wants his watch back. 

Caleb creates a look of mock surprise. “Adam Hayse! Getting bored during classes! Who are you and what have you done to my nerd of a boyfriend?”

Red creeps up into Adam’s skin and a shy smile matches alongside. “It was stuff I already learned. I just wanted to get out of there.”

Caleb hums for a moment, studying the flustered look off Adam. He shakes his head, knocking him out of it. “Okay, chemistry. What’s going on there?”

Adam thinks for a moment. “We had a lab. We had to,” realization dawns on him. Slowly he finishes his sentence, “Take off all jewelry and my professor counts watches in that category.”

“Okay, so… Backpack?” Caleb suggests.

Adam rushes around his room, tripping on his duvet that was thrown on the floor until he reaches his backpack. He pulls it over quickly to his desk and unzips the front pocket. He pulls out his beloved watch with a bright grin. “Babe, you’re a genius!”

Caleb rolls his eyes. “Only when you’re not in your head enough to retrace your steps.”

Adam puts the watch back on, staring at it for a couple seconds before rubbing his finger tip over the smooth glass over the clock. “Thank you, Caleb. I love you,” he whispers, finally looking up to his camera, hiding behind his messy curls.

“I love you too. I’d do anything for you, even from miles away.” Caleb’s smile is wide, his voice soft. 

“What would I ever do without you?” Adam asks, more to himself than to the guy in BU.

Caleb smirks. “You’d probably lose everything in that backpack until next semester when you clean it out.”

Adam can’t even try to look offended. He wishes he could hug Caleb, to show him how grateful he is. But, alas, long distance makes that impossible. Instead, the two move on to other topics of conversation as Adam cleans his room. 

They’re comfortable, missing each other, but comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved writing this one. I just feel like Adam would put a lot of importance on the watch, or really anything Caleb gifts him. So, I made a oneshot of it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


	5. Burning Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam get's bombarded with a group of Atypicals (plus Sadie) bursting into his home. Not expecting this for his evening makes his mind go on overdrive. Thank God Caleb came too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has some implications of spoilers from The College Tapes but I don't think it'll be too spoiler-y! Enjoy the final installment of Adam freaking out. Next up, is Caleb's chapter! :)
> 
> Small tw: accidental burning of skin. Please stay safe!

A knock sounds throughout his and Caitlin’s apartment. Adam jumps up, similarly to an overexcited puppy ready for their owner to get home. As soon as the door swings open, Adam finds himself jumping into Caleb’s arms, wrapping around him like a koala. Tucking his head into Caleb’s neck gives Adam a sense of calm, and the slight shake of Caleb’s laughter makes Adam feel lighter than ever.

Adam missed this so much. He’s so glad he has this back. Especially after junior year. The fights. The lack of communication. But no, they’re working on it now. They’re doing better. They will get through this. The two boys are taking it one day at a time. The thought makes Adam nuzzle into Caleb even further.

“Hayes, stop being so gross and let the rest of us in!” Sadie’s gruff voice catches Adam off guard, so much so that he almost let go of the tree that is Caleb. 

Sadie and the group of friends behind her laugh, probably at the startled face Adam makes.

Adam leans in slightly, getting close enough to whisper to Caleb. “You didn’t tell me they were coming!” It sounds slightly accusatory, but Caleb knows it’s just from the shock of seeing them all. 

Now, it’s Caleb’s turn to look confused. “I thought Caitlin told you. She was supposed to. Frankie told her to tell you that we were all coming.”

A flash of anger washes over Adam. “Caitlin!” he calls out into the apartment. Then, he shimmies off of his boyfriend and drops onto the ground.

Despite being annoyed at the fact that Adam didn’t know this was happening, he still has to be a good host. He releases a sigh before stepping away from the crowd and door.

“Well, come on in then.” Adam forces a smile, hoping some sort of joy has found his way into his voice.

Caitlin comes out of her room, her eyes brightening up once she sees Frankie. The two hug and Frankie gives her a small peck on her cheek. Adam wants that and flushes with jealousy. He hasn’t even gotten to kiss Caleb yet before this whole thing was thrown at him.

Then, Caleb’s callused hand wraps around Adam’s. A calming gesture with a small squeeze to portray that Adam is okay. 

Adam enjoys the feeling before he shakes his hand out. “Okay. Want anything to drink? Tea, Caleb?” Adam asks. “I’ll make myself some coffee as well if anyone wants some,” he continues.

A cacophony of yes please and coffee would be great, Adam and dude you’re the best! Caleb’s never this considerate and you really don’t have to do this babe screams at Adam and all he wants to do is go into his room and curl up. Preferably with Caleb by his side.

But instead, he goes into the kitchen and starts the kettle and coffee machine. Everyone else is piled on bar stools and on the couch and kitchen chairs or sitting on the coffee table and it makes Adam seeth. He just wants it to be him and Caleb. Is that too hard to ask?

“Need any help, Adam?” a quieter voice breaks out from Adam’s aggressive thoughts. 

Adam turns and comes face to face with Ben. This is the first time Adam has heard them talk today. 

“Do you think you could grab the tea bags in the far right cupboard?” Adam asks, fiddling with the coffee machine as it slowly pours out a cup of coffee.

There’s something wrong with the way it’s pouring though, and Adam can’t quite think of what until his hand comes in contact with the steaming liquid. “Shit,” he mumbles. Rag, he needs a rag. How could Adam be such an idiot that he forgot the mug?

Instead of moving, though, Adam just stares at his bright red hand, the coffee maker still dripping coffee onto the counter.

“Adam?” the shocked voice of Ben sneaks through Adam's own shock.

Adam watches as a mug is shoved under the coffee maker and his hand is forced under cold running water. 

“Adam what the fuck?” Caleb’s voice is holding concern and a bit of anger. Adam can’t figure out why.

Just a hum in response. There’s too many people here, all staring at him, and Adam doesn’t quite want to admit his mistake to them all. Hell, he barely knows Frankie and Ben, though they both seem nice. Sadie and Adam just recently barely connected, neither had really been close with one another. They just knew and accepted the other as a part of their lives through Caleb. And that’s fine, really! But things are awkward. No, they’re not exactly strangers, but friends feel too far away to reach. 

Adam shifts slightly. He doesn’t like the cold water, it feels as though his hand were stuck in ice. But, Caleb’s grip is firm and unrelenting from Adam’s struggle to get away from the sink. 

Adam pouts and looks up to Caleb. “It’s cold,” he accuses, as if Caleb has control of the water. Well, technically he does. He can change the temperature.

“That’s the point, dumbass,” Sadie calls from her spot, still on the coffee table. Adam stares at her as she doesn’t look up from her phone. He doesn’t know what she’s doing, but the fact that she’s sitting on the coffee table annoys him.

“Sadie don’t be rude,” Ben scolds, walking into the living room and plopping himself on the couch. “Adam just burned himself, he needs sympathy, not something harsh.”

That makes Adam seeth even more. He’s not made of glass. Adam knows that Ben isn’t trying to imply that, but it doesn’t stop the feeling that is crawling up Adam’s throat.

“Why don’t you all head and get food. Text me where you’re going and we’ll meet up with you later,” Caleb jumps in, surely feeling the stew of emotions coming from Adam.

Frankie and Caitlin are so captivated by each other, talking and catching up, that they don’t notice the hesitance in everyone else’s bodies. The couple just states their agreement and walks to the door.

“Let me know how he is, Michaels,” Sadie states. Her voice is softer. It reminds Adam of when the two of them were outside of the library, sharing stories of Caleb. It brings warmth through Adam, which doesn’t make sense to him. She’s supposed to be annoying him, so why did that actually help him?

“I’ll be fine Sadie. Just go,” Adam says quietly, shifting his feet a bit.

“Bye Adam, bye Caleb,” is all Ben’s response is as they follow Sadie out the door. 

Once it’s just Adam and Caleb, Adam can feel his body relax. No more people. No more noise. No more being a good host. It’s just him and Caleb. Everything feels ten times better.

Caleb wraps his arms around Adam from behind, finally letting go of his wrist. Adam’s first response is to move his burned hand from the water.

“Keep it there.” Caleb’s voice is soft, speaking only to Adam with no stress of anyone else watching them. 

Adam lets out an annoyed huff. “You know I don’t like the cold. Plus my sweatshirt is getting wet.” He knows he's pouting, but it’s been a stressful day.

Two dings sound from Caleb’s pocket. Texts. The group probably went to the Burger King nearby. 

Caleb unwraps himself and brings out the phone. A small smile graces his lips and he types something back in response. Adam is watching him with critical eyes. 

“Sam bought the group two hotel rooms so we can have your apartment to ourselves,” Caleb supplies.

Adam hates how his own face lifts up, brightening to a smile. “Thank you.”

“Now, do you want food or should I text the gang that we’re going to hang out here and cuddle with a movie on?” Caleb asks. Adam knows he’s a, in Caleb’s words, human mood ring, but he’s not a telepath. So how does he always know what Adam wants. Or… needs?

“Stay in,” Adam’s response is short. “Now can I take my hand out of this fucking ice water?” he all but hisses. Adam really hates the cold

Caleb checks the time on the clock on the microwave. “Fine. But if it starts to hurt again, it’s going back under,” Caleb gives in. “I’m sorry I didn't tell you about them coming. I thought you knew already.”

“It’s alright. Just a small shock. Turns out, Caitlin is as much of a lovesick fool as we are,” Adam grins up at his boyfriend.

“Seems like it.”

The two come closer to their lips touching, but right before they do, Adam splashes Caleb with the leftover water off his freezing hand. Caleb stands in shock before bursting out in laughter.

Yes, Adam decides. This is what he needed. Just him and Caleb. Later, they’ll meet up with the group and joke and laugh and Adam won’t feel so trapped like he did when he first saw them all. But for now, it’s just him and his boyfriend. The two of them sitting in the comfort of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing with Sadie, Ben, Frankie, and Caitlin so please forgive me for them being out of character
> 
> Also, again, I cannot title things for the life of me so yeah!


End file.
